First, I will begin by quoting my friend Anne...."I feel so pretty". It has been an interesting day...which began rather early. I didn't know 5am came around twice in one day! Shockingly it does....but it seems that I vaguely remember now that it does...it's been a couple of years since I had a newborn.....and as much as I love my girls....I won't have another!
Getting back to 5am.... this is a time of day/night (you decide) that is to early for cleaning up ______ anyone? You win the prize! VOMIT! YES! the adventure continues!!!!!!!!!!!
Amazingly, I am still able to get the eldest child ready and find her a ride to school...for there is no way I am putting the puker in the "Up Chuck Wagon" again because it is clean and smells good again. So with child 1 gone, my full attention returns to child 2 and the laundry...for she has puked on everything in sight! It baffles me how one little sip of water and produce so much vomit!
Finally the 8am hour arrives and without a second past the hour I have already dialed the Doctors office. Voicemail! What kind of outfit is this! I try again! Voicemail! What!?! Okay, third time's a charm. Bingo! I jump at the first available appt. 10:10am! Then I tremble....the puker has to be transported there...in my beautiful much liked (I have learned not to "love" a car...bad things happen to them) Station Wagon. So, I layer the back of the car in beach towels! I wait for time to leave and Child 2 ...vomits.
We load up and poor child 2 is begging me for water. She is pitiful. I cave, against my better judgement and give her a sippy cup of water which she chugs like a Frat Boy on nickel draft night. I am about 3 miles from the house when I test my anti-lock brakes and pull off the road like I am driving a Sherman Tank. This is starting to feel strangely familiar (see Adventure 3). I get the bowl (Tupperware is great!) and Child 2 let's her rip! When that challenge is completed we set off again for the Holy Grail (Doctors office).
We are doing fine and making good time until we hit the short cut. The short cut is short in distance...apparently not time. In fact it is actually a time warp. It transports you back to the time when people drove the speed limit and farm tractors were considered transportation. As I pull up behind Jed Clampet and pretty much came to a screeching halt, I wondered why people pull out in front of other vehicles that are obviously speeding AND THERE IS NO ONE BEHIND THEM!!!!!! Finally I made it to a major highway and blew the dungarees off of good ole' Jed.
The Doctors appointment was none eventful. We left with two prescriptions and I was happy.
Back on the plantation, the drugs were administered. It took a while for the med's to kick in but the main point is...they did. Life was getting better, laundry was being done, floors were being mopped. Then Child 1 comes home and........vomit! Everywhere! and so it begins...again. Calgon! Take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Adventures in Mothering 3 Oct 2008
It took me a while to get to the point where I could write about this...here is how the story unfolded.
It was a normal day. Took girls to school. Nothing unusual. Picked Ashley up from preschool at 12pm. Ashley had a Doctors appointment at 12:30 in Little River, SC. Since there was no time to sit down and eat lunch we did a drive by at the Golden Arches. So far so good.
As we were driving through the middle of Little River...Ashley started choking on a nugget. I pulled a "professional stunt drivers only" move and pulled off the road. Jumped out and proceeded with a swift finger sweep. When the obstruction was cleared...all hell broke loose. Ashley proceed to fill my hands with.....you guessed it! Vomit. As I am standing on the side of a busy road with vomit in my hands, I feel an amazing amount of happiness because I managed to contain it all. Just as quickly as the warm fuzzies came... they went. As I was disposing the fertilizer..or grass killer... not sure which, onto the ground it happened again!!!! But this time with gusto! My hands cupped and ready was overflowing before I could blink my eyes! Vomit everywhere! On my precious little puker! In her car seat! In the floor! And so much of it! I finally just gave into despair. At this point I feel so pretty and I give a beauty queen wave to the rubber neckers passing by. Then I remembered the roll of paper towels in the back of my wagon! I managed to open the hatch and grabbed a plastic grocery bag. Now, I will pause and reflect on the last time Dereck (my dear husband) fussed about all the "junk" I keep in my car.... Ladies, this is one request we can ignore from our husbands...our junk can come in handy. Hmp! Anyway, I cleaned up most of it and took my poor puker out of the car and stripped her down....What is it about her stripping in Myrtle Beach???? Better now, rather than later I say!
On the bright side, I did think to take an extra set of clothes for Ashley. But, I
couldn't put them on her until I washed her off. I put her in her sister's booster seat wiped the remaining puke off of me and continued the .03 miles to the Doctors office.
We get out of the car. Me dressed in my Belk attire and my pukey baby in a diaper. I'm sure we were a sight. We walk into the buildings main lobby and there sits a big ole' Sista on her cell phone. She gets one look at my poor baby and to the other person on the phone "Eeeeew Chiiillldddd! You ssshould see dis Juice-cy Baaaby" LORD Child! This Ba-by is Juice-cy! Come here ba-be an let me suck on your juice -cy thigh, Lord! This is the Juicyist child I ever did see"!!!!!! At this point, I have all but picked my baby up and run into the Doctors office before this lady got out her wet wipe from KFC!
The rest of the visit was quiet normal, thank goodness and we made it home without incident inside my pukey station wagon....which now I refer to as the Up-Chuck Wagon.
Stay tuned in for more Adventures from! Tada! "And they let me take them Home!?!" now available in surround sound!
It was a normal day. Took girls to school. Nothing unusual. Picked Ashley up from preschool at 12pm. Ashley had a Doctors appointment at 12:30 in Little River, SC. Since there was no time to sit down and eat lunch we did a drive by at the Golden Arches. So far so good.
As we were driving through the middle of Little River...Ashley started choking on a nugget. I pulled a "professional stunt drivers only" move and pulled off the road. Jumped out and proceeded with a swift finger sweep. When the obstruction was cleared...all hell broke loose. Ashley proceed to fill my hands with.....you guessed it! Vomit. As I am standing on the side of a busy road with vomit in my hands, I feel an amazing amount of happiness because I managed to contain it all. Just as quickly as the warm fuzzies came... they went. As I was disposing the fertilizer..or grass killer... not sure which, onto the ground it happened again!!!! But this time with gusto! My hands cupped and ready was overflowing before I could blink my eyes! Vomit everywhere! On my precious little puker! In her car seat! In the floor! And so much of it! I finally just gave into despair. At this point I feel so pretty and I give a beauty queen wave to the rubber neckers passing by. Then I remembered the roll of paper towels in the back of my wagon! I managed to open the hatch and grabbed a plastic grocery bag. Now, I will pause and reflect on the last time Dereck (my dear husband) fussed about all the "junk" I keep in my car.... Ladies, this is one request we can ignore from our husbands...our junk can come in handy. Hmp! Anyway, I cleaned up most of it and took my poor puker out of the car and stripped her down....What is it about her stripping in Myrtle Beach???? Better now, rather than later I say!
On the bright side, I did think to take an extra set of clothes for Ashley. But, I
couldn't put them on her until I washed her off. I put her in her sister's booster seat wiped the remaining puke off of me and continued the .03 miles to the Doctors office.
We get out of the car. Me dressed in my Belk attire and my pukey baby in a diaper. I'm sure we were a sight. We walk into the buildings main lobby and there sits a big ole' Sista on her cell phone. She gets one look at my poor baby and to the other person on the phone "Eeeeew Chiiillldddd! You ssshould see dis Juice-cy Baaaby" LORD Child! This Ba-by is Juice-cy! Come here ba-be an let me suck on your juice -cy thigh, Lord! This is the Juicyist child I ever did see"!!!!!! At this point, I have all but picked my baby up and run into the Doctors office before this lady got out her wet wipe from KFC!
The rest of the visit was quiet normal, thank goodness and we made it home without incident inside my pukey station wagon....which now I refer to as the Up-Chuck Wagon.
Stay tuned in for more Adventures from! Tada! "And they let me take them Home!?!" now available in surround sound!
Adventures in Mothering 2 Aug 2008
I was just in North Myrtle Beach with Elizabeth and Ashley enjoying lunch (the kids got to eat for free compliments of our Ped) Elizabeth had her 5 year appointment today. One shot...screamed like they where cutting her pinky finger off! She's okay now. So, we are at Chick-Fila and.......Ashley starts chewing on an apple with the peeling on it. Spits it out...says "yucky" then manages to start puking like a frat boy on a 3 day binge! All I could do as I was holding both my hands catching vomit (a lot of vomit) was yell "I need a Mommy" !!!!!!!!! One appeared from nowhere and helped me and Ashley! What an angel!
So after Vomit Fest III, I took Ashley's dress off and put it in a paper bag. We were all heading to the door to leave (Ashley is in her pull-up) and starts shaking her behind as we pass the construction workers. I heard one say that "They" were training them early for the Doll House these days! I kept my mouth shut and left!
We always have a story to tell when we go out! Also, let this be a learning lesson....always have an extra set of clothes when more than 30 minutes from home!
The Adventure continues......
So after Vomit Fest III, I took Ashley's dress off and put it in a paper bag. We were all heading to the door to leave (Ashley is in her pull-up) and starts shaking her behind as we pass the construction workers. I heard one say that "They" were training them early for the Doll House these days! I kept my mouth shut and left!
We always have a story to tell when we go out! Also, let this be a learning lesson....always have an extra set of clothes when more than 30 minutes from home!
The Adventure continues......
Adventures in Mothering July 16, 2008
So, the girls and I had a fun day at the beach with 8 other Mom's and 15 kids. We arrived home and went straight to my bathroom. Turned water on to fill up tub. Stepped out of the room for a split second...Ashley ripped her diaper off and peed all over the floor then managed to slip and fall in it. Ok...I put them in tub and managed to clean the floor. Then I jump in the shower (tub is in the same room) All of a sudden Elizabeth screams! Ashley had pooped (I'm talking major poop) in the tub. I jump out grabbed Elizabeth first...throw her in shower then the same for the pooper (Ashley) and proceed to wash them. Finally got us all out of shower and dry...poop still floating around in tub. Sent Elizabeth to watch TV and I promptly put the pooper in the crib. I go back and clean the poop out of the tub and throw away all toys in the tub. I used half a bottle of soft scrub with bleach. It is now clean and I am now all spent out for the day. This theme park is closed!!!!!!
Vomit Fest 08 Jan 30, 2008
Welcome to Vomit Fest 08! What a lovely time the kids are having! Monday night 11pm. Eldest child (4yrs) comes into room and crawls into my bed. (Hubby did not make the festival) 11:15 the festivities begin! and last through out the night!...all night! Next morning called the nurse...she called in Promethazine Suppository's. Now, THAT was interesting, but it helped. The party died down around 2pm. But hey! we then got our second wind! The baby (22months) at 5:30pm decides she wants to participate in the fun too. The party dies down again until 10:30pm. Whew, that child was over the edge with the dry heaves! So then, at 11pm my fabulous neighbor (Granddaddy) comes over to sit with the eldest while Mom and Baby take the party train on the road! We pull over twice on the way to the ER (know what I mean) and we finally arrive at the hospital where when we enter the emergency room entrance we greet everyone with a "Fine How Ya Doing" all over the floor and me! After registering we are ushered into a lovely little room where the party continued....al over the floor! (Why do they make those little puke bowls so small?) The Doctor, bless his heart, took pity on us and had the nurse deposit an suppository in the Baby! Yippie! Well, 2am we have had quite an evening and decide to call it a night. On the way home baby wanted one last hooray all over the back of my van less than a mile from home...but we made it. Thanked the Grandpa sent him home changed baby and myself, jumped into bed. 2:35pm. 3:15......tip toe- tip toe.."Mommy, I need to use the bathroom, you didn't read me a bed time story, you didn't come sleep with me, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty...etc...) Now, my response. ROOOOAAARRRRR!!! Now the tears are flowing until 4:20. Next up, peace and slumber until 7am. Psssst Mommy. I'm hungry, the sun's up, can I watch TV? Why are you sleeping with the baby? I'm thirsty....etc..... All I can say is Thank God for getting me through Vomit Fest 08 and Thank him for coffee!!!! Thanks for listening! (Names have been left out to protect the innocent)
Morning Rush
So, I have entered the world of blogging.....hmmm. Here goes. So this morning I hit snooze...only once. Made coffee. Jumped in shower. Make-up & hair. Dressed. Holy cow! I spent to much time on one of these items. Rush!Rush!Rush! to wake up child 1 for school. Made breakfast. Gone back to wake up child 1. Success! Little did I know, we should have all gone back to bed. The morning continues...fight, argue, yell! During this exciting morning ritual I go to get child 2 out of bed. Child 2 appears to be well rested and happy....she wants to hug and kiss. This is not the norm, for this child takes after me. Finally the Breakfast war is over. Dressed kids, brushed teeth...all the good stuff. We are running behind and risk being a little tardy for school but I am doing ok (I stress out with time issues) Until....Mommy! I have to go to the bathroom! This was not pretty and I will not even go there. Then! Child 2 says "I have to potty too!" and she did...in her diaper....not pretty either. Made decision...NO SCHOOL! So, hear I am at home with the kids.....who really could have and should have gone to school.....but at least we weren't late! Then I would have been sick!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
